Terrible psychiatric problems, what should i do?

I have been suffering with severe anxiety for my entire life, i get less than 12 hours of sleep per week. I had a sleep study, and it did not yield any useful information. I also have severe anxiety, especially social anxiety, and suffer from panic disorder. one day, i became such i nervous wreck, that i broke down, found a drug dealer and bought a vicodin, and with my luck was arrested, as a cop was watching the transaction. this is now on my hospital record. and my last psychiatrist, and all doctors/specialists, i have seen since then, refuse to prescribe me anything but seroquel, and other sedating anti-psychotics, for fear that i will abuse benzodiazepines or other sleeping pills. Seroquel makes me extremely sick, sort of like i have the flu, and i refuse to take it, and this ads to the drug seeking appearance that these doctors are trained to look for by the office of diversion control. I legitimately need these medications, but cannot get them because i was arrested once, and taken to the hospital, for possession of hydrocodone. which i never even got the chance to take. i had never misused drugs before, or after that event. and still, i remain out in the cold. apparently effective medication is a privilege that is taken away very easily by the DEA, ODC, and the medical community, to try to get you to buy street drugs illicitly, so that the police can arrest you, and so you have to hire a lawyer, and the judge and DA have someone to prosecute and then, they can send you to jail, to make sure corrections officers and wardens have jobs. i need sleeping pills but can in no legal way obtain them. what should i do? kill myself? the effects of this insomnia, and my symptoms of anxiety and panic are unbearable to say the least.